Anxiety

It's 3 am and I've woken up. 1 million thoughts rush through my mind that I can't rationalize or filter. 

And now its 4 am and I'm starting to worry if I will be able to go back to sleep. I don't. 

This typically happens on THE NIGHT my kids actually sleep right through. My anxiety has a great sense of humor. 

I think I started to suffer from mild anxiety as soon as I become a mother. I think most mothers do. Its all part of being a parent...worry!
 I never use to be a worrier. My grandfather use to think I was fearless when I was younger. He dropped me off at my first day in a new job at 16, and asked me in the car on the way there if I was nervous. I said 'no, why should i be?' and he has never forgotten my response since. He couldn't believe it. But I honestly didn't know what there was to be nervous about. Put me in that same situation today and I would a completely different person. 

We all suffer from stress from time to time and deal with it differently. I'm not going to bore you with my 1st world problems or worries when there are real issues in the world. However I am only human and although there are always people worse off in the world than you, anxiety takes no prisoners.   

I wanted to share one of the ways in which I deal with my anxiety in hopes it may help some of you too. 

Being Organised/ Family Planner

I'm going to upload a video about my family planner and what is inside of it in more detail which you can watch on my YouTube channel in a few days. Basically it involves my whole life. Every appointment, cleaning routine, meal plans and so on.

My brother thinks I have too much time on my hands to be organizing my life like that. Wait until you see my madness inside. However with two small kids and another one on the way I wish that was the case. 

This is something I had to make time for and actually do for my mental health. 

Being unorganized and living in chaos is my personal trigger. For some it could be traffic. Everyone has a trigger. Things like rushing the kids on the school run so we barely talk in the morning and forgetting to attend play group really bothers me. I hate feeling like a shit mother. I know I am not perfect and none could be. Unfortunately I can not tell myself this when its keep me up at night. The mother guilt! The m-o-t-h-e-r of all guilt trips. 

So I designed my own personal family planner. It helps me be more productive. Less stressed out when I'm not rushing around or forgetting important appointments. At the start of my pregnancy my midwife went crazy because I had forgotten to go for so many blood tests. 

Have you ever sat down and felt so overwhelmed with everything that you need to do? But you become paralyzed by your own thoughts so nothing gets done. This use to happen to me at least once a week at one point. 

You know that feeling you get when you've finally put away all the clean washing that has been sitting on your kitchen table for the last couple of days? The relief! 

Imagine feeling like that every day because everything is in order. That's what my planner does for me. It clears my mind and helps me breathe. 

It may not be for everyone and I understand that. But what I want to get at here is that everyone can feel overwhelmed. Its what you choose to do to help yourself in that situation that matters. Even if your have a wonderful family and great friends and a therapist and doctors. Only you can help yourself. 

You alone. 

You can choose to let yourself get swallowed up and reach a breaking point or stand tall and remember 
'you're a queen, you got this shit handled' 
so let the anxiety attack happen.
 But don't let it beat you. Dust yourself off and do what you need to do for you. Regardless if you look crazy or not and as always...

Be Brave 

Jade 

XxX

FEAR OF BLOGGING

I started a blog a few months back but I have only put five blog posts live. I have thirteen drafts waiting to be finalised and published but I had the 'fear of blogging.'
I've had the fear of blogging before I started the blog, which delayed me for two years. I thought after I built up the courage to actually start one I would have conquered my fear. I guess not!


If I'm honest here I was scared of what people may think and say. Especially friends and family. I'm only human. When  I started my blog I thought I might get the odd question or comment from my friends and extended family. Nothing was mentioned. Not even a 'like' on Facebook from most although it didn't surprise me much. I had more support from complete strangers. The lack of support or acknowledgment knocked my confidence.


 I was forgetting that the only people that really mattered for support were standing right beside me cheering me on. The only persons opinion that mattered was my own.


One of the reasons I started a blog is because I love to share ideas. When I was at school I would happily share my test question answers with anyone who was stuck. I remember sitting my GCSE business paper and holding up my paper at an angle so my friend could see my answer. It was probably the wrong answer, sorry ***** but I had your back!


When I found the world of blogging and vlogging I struck gold. I finally found people who think like me. I finally found a place where I felt I belonged in a way. I guess I'm not your typical 20 something girl. I didn't have a 'standard' upbringing. I had a very happy childhood but it defiantly was not boring but that is a different blog post. My best friend growing up was from a whole different world to me and she really opened my eyes and heart. So I guess this all shaped me into the person I am today and the way I think. The older I'm getting the more I'm beginning to understand myself.


These bloggers and vloggers that I love inspire me every day to just be the best version of myself, as cheesy as it sounds its true. From little things like cookie recipes to dealing with anxiety.
I suppose looking back over the last couple of years I really needed that inspiration. At the time I was the only one out of my friends that had a baby. I hadn't long finished university and started a full time job in my chosen career path which I choose to give up a few months into it. My family were going through a difficult time and I had some adult big decisions to make and a little baby to take care of at the age of 22. Over time I lost a few friends too. I have no bad feelings towards them. I suppose my priorities had to change. I had to change. Maybe they didn't understand that, and that's ok. But finding this world really helped me escape and laugh at the hard times. Finding people who think like you fills your loneliness and gives you that little bit of comfort.


Llanelli where I am from can seem so small and filled with small minded people who are quick to judge anything they don't understand or is not within the 'norm.' It can be scary doing anything different. But there is a bigger world out there than just this town.


So I'm going to start publishing my blog posts again and put my 'don't give a fuck' hat back on. I hope this inspires anyone reading this to put their hats on too.


Be Brave

Jade

XxX

My Links

Youtube: Jade Farrell

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